She Who Speaks in Lyrics

My challenge was completed a couple of weeks ago and it seems the new challenge is to just write something on the blog! Let me confess something, though. I've been struggling again. It's hard to know what is normal procrastination or laziness and what is a sympton of actual mental illness.


Last week I read most of a book called A Brilliant Madness Patty Duke and a medical author whose name I don't remember. It's mostly about bipolar disorder or manic depression, but there is a lot in there about unipolar depression for the sake of contrast. Well, I tell you, every five minutes or so, I was convinced that I was in the early stages of developing manic depression. The fact of the matter is that bipolar disorder typically has an onset in ones teens or twenties...not mid thirties. Do you do that? think whatever you read is your diagnosis? It's like last summer when I was looking for a reason for my back/neck/shoulder/hip pain. Heck, based on my summer reading and internet surfing, I had escalated all the way up to fibromyalgia and then, suddenly, all the symptoms diminished greatly at the same time. In hindsight, my muscles were so knotted up from tension and stress that my spine couldn't stay aligned despite weekly chiropractic adjustments and therapy. And that hurts everywhere.


Still, I'm feeling kind of sedated (which is my clinical way of saying "different than tired.") I'm also fighting desires to do nothing. My motivation dips really low and I seem sucked over to the computer to read otherwise harmless bulletin boards or to my crafting table to create something no one needs. I'm just passing time and avoiding more productive pursuits. This sounds benign, I'll bet you're thinking. And I know it can be. But when this happens day after day, something is up with me. So, I sit outside myself a little and watch...wondering if this prescription is going to be the miracle and I'll snap out of it or if I'll keep sinking in this swampy landscape until...


Until what? Until when?
If you know, would you please tell ME?

(By the way, I was at the doctor this week...he increased my dosage of my Rx. Of course, he was very calm about it, so I'm trying to be, too.)