One more for today...Christmas Cards

Even as a stamper, I have only sent out Christmas cards once (I think I made a dozen or so.) This year, I wanted to play with my Adobe Photoshop and see if I could make something economical. I was inspired at the end of the summer when I started seeing this Gray's Anatomy billboard that used narrow rectangular pictures of all the characters. So, I set to work. I'd like to say it was easy, but I encountered quite a few problems along the way...sizes of photos, converting to black and white, filling the background with color... Anyway, I was relieved when I got something passable (I wish my pictures were "crisper"). I put three on a page to be able to use regular legal-size envelopes. I saved everything as a "jpeg" and burned it onto a disc. CopyMax put the file on one of their computers and sent it to their printer so I could have good color copies on glossy cardstock. It cost about $.35 per card. I was happy!

Still, I find that I've sent the 60 cards I had made and need more. This is something I am NOT going to have time to do before Christmas. So, I got the brainstorm to go back to my photoshop document and change the text to reflect a new year greeting and I'll print the new ones once I have some more leisurely minutes to write them out.

(I think I'm so clever!)

Christmas Tree Luminary

I can't believe I waited this long to discover luminaries as decorations. I saw a design similar to this one in a holiday decorating magazine (Better Homes and Gardens, I think) and decided to try it out (you know, since we were having a party!)

I used red lunch bags that I found at a discount store. The half-tree was freehand cut with an X-acto knife on the left and folded the over to the right. We filled the bottom of the bag with 1 cup of table salt (for sturdiness and safety) and placed a glass votive holder with a candle inside.

We lined the sidewalk with the luminaries and I was utterly shocked when the tiny little votives were still burning four hours later! No flaming mishaps, either, for those of you who might be a little paranoid like I was!

Snowman Kisses Card

On the Close to My Heart consultant bulletin board, someone posted this very cute idea early in the holiday season. I had to wait and wait to make them because I wanted to get the Snow Friends stamp set at a discount and didn't have items to order until late in the month. I was very tickled when it arrived and made these cards for the ladies who watch my kids at MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers, lest you think it is a Clean Freaks Anonymous organization!) I used the November Stamp of the Month set, "Peace on Earth" for the Grinch quote, and a font from the first Expressives CD. My sweet girl Katie thought up the color scheme: Kiwi, Chocolate, and Lilac Mist. She also stippled the edges for me =)

Divinity

For years, my mom has made divinity as a part of her Christmas baking. Only recently did I learn why she always made a last-minute run to Violet Carrigan's house with a big batch of the treats...one of Vi's sons is allergic to all kinds of things that go into rich Christmas goodies, but divinity is only sugar, corn syrup, water and egg whites, so he could eat it.

A couple of years ago, I tried my hand at making it and was astonished that it turned out perfectly. I had the impression that it was one of those impossible candies to make (and that my mom was a magician!) This year I have made two batches so far and plan to do one more with almond flavoring (just for me!) I also discovered that divinity is THE FAVORITE of my good friend Pam, so I might just share a little with her. It's been a tough year...she deserves a treat!

This Christmas Season...

Sometimes you have no idea that God is at work. Sometimes you have no doubt. This Christmas season happens to be a time of "no doubt" for me. My typical Christmas is plagued with stress (me and who else?) and just a ton of baggage from holidays past. I get wrapped up in doing the shopping (which I hate) to do the giving (which is important to me.) I desperately want to observe the miracle of Christ in Christmas, but always feel like I've done my savior a great disservice by the end of December.

There isn't one magic thing that has made this year different. However, there are a few notable things.
1. We decided to forego the stack of presents at home under our tree. We were due for a new t.v.--we had a 10 year-old 13-inch and a 15 year-old 19-inch. So, we purchased a family gift for ourselves...a modest, but new flatscreen t.v. Each of the kids will have one package with a toy and their stockings. Wow, does this simplify my life!
2. I changed my decorations. This is silly, but I've always used a hodge-podge of sentimental stuff to change the house over to it's "Christmas look" and it drove me crazy. I couldn't wait to get the trimmings down because it felt so cluttered. This time, I left a lot of things packed. Instead, I did a few inexpensive crafty projects...Christmas bulb bud vases, a color-coordinated tree, runners with colorful fabrics. Everything goes with everything else and my living room looks like a 3-D scrapbook page. I'm just so tickled with it that it's fun to just sit on the couch and take it in. It has improved my holiday spirit.
3. We planned a party.

Yesterday evening, we had a gathering for the "Bodybuilders" (adult ministries group from church.) Our whole family pulled together to make preparations...baking, decorating, cleaning. Katie kept saying, "This is going to be the best day of my life!" Everything was crazy in our little house, but it was wonderful. The pile of food only compared to the pile of shoes at the door and the pile of coats on the bed. There were 19 adults and 12 kids by my count. It was a very merry Christmas party.
4. Mark and I sang together in church. Two years ago, against my better judgement, I agreed to sing a song with him at my home church up north. I was terrified...When it came time to perform, I could not hit the notes that we had practiced endlessly. After the song, Mark apologized to me, but I didn't know why. Then, he guiltily told me that he had forgotten to move the capo on the guitar and had played the song in the wrong key! I laughed so hard! I was just glad it was over. When the service was over, the pastor's wife came up to me and apologized. This was getting confusing. Once the story was told, I learned that my microphone was never on! What a funny way for God to intervene. Well, we tried it again. The song was "Strange Way to Save the World" and we performed it at our own church this time. God allowed me to approach it with such calm and the song went very well. It's almost anticlimactic, but I'll take this ending to the story any day!

Granted, I still need to make it through holiday travels and Christmas proper, but I have so much peace that I can only thank the Lord for calming my heart. I have received a very precious gift this Christmas.

Long Time...Again

Yes, I'm still here!

I was looking back on my last entry and I'm glad to report that I have been feeling SO MUCH BETTER! I have to take my medication before bed (all of it), but it has been working famously. Now, I'm waiting to see if it passes the three month test.

I haven't been doing much creating lately. With Christmas coming, I've whipped up some little trinkets for stocking stuffers, but not even they are original. The Close to My Heart Consultant Bulletin Boards have been awesome for these ideas...gift cards that are chapstick holders, favor boxes that hold personalized chocolates, and "Tic Tac"/Snowman Kisses cards. It's fun, though, and I'm enjoying it for what it is. (As opposed to kicking myself for being so behind with the scrapbooks and being immobilized to do anything about it!)

The days are full right now. I've got an extra little person spending the days with us while her daycare provider is out on maternity leave. She is a sweetheart and plays very well with my kids. Still, it's challenging to do errands and preschool drop-off and pick-up. Add to the holiday extras and I'm falling into bed and sleeping pretty darn well each evening! I hope to resume more regular blogging once Christmas is over...the new year always provides a lot of ruminating for me...there should be plenty to write about!

Cymbalta Saga

Well, if you have followed the comments about antidepressants that I have made...I have an update.

Two weeks ago, Doc upped my dosage from 30mg to 60mg because the depression symptoms were not under control (weepy, exhausted, uninterested in everything.) Nothing seemed to improve and then, all of the sudden, everything seemed worse. So I was wondering if the meds were a problem. In the meantime, my new prescription was ready and I was under such a dark cloud that I couldn't get myself out of the house to pick it up. The night of the second day without it, I had a massive breakdown and tried to let my hubby know what was going on with me. (He gingerly asked if he could pray with me...) On top of it all, I spent four hours up during the night coughing the congestion out of my lungs (it's the most wonderful time of the year...) and strained something in my back. When I got up in the morning so that he could head to work, I was in tears by the time I reached the bottom of the stairs. I was frustrated, exhausted, congested AND my back was in spasms. Sweet Prince stayed home from work. I rested and called the doctor. Much to my surprise, he INCREASED my dosage on the Cymbalta. So, I go home and choke down 3 capsules of the stuff and it sends my stomach into what I call "morning sickness mode." Oh my goodness. I have not hugged the toilet since I was expecting #3 (and I don't miss that!) A couple of hours later it subsided. Next morning...I take the dose on an empty stomach just to try something new. Oh happy day. It was flu-like...the ENTIRE DAY.


So I'm just tickled pink with my life. Today I tried 30 mg in the morning and I'll take the other 60mg at bedtime. Wish me luck.

Halloween 2007

Not my favorite holiday...
...but a huge favorite of the rest of the family!

I'll let the pictures tell the thousand words .




Mark helped with Katie's party at school. He couldn't resist going all out. He even returned to work with his black eye, band-aid and missing tooth.
Katie was a gorgeous snow princess,
Owen went as Obi-Wan Kenobi, and Abby was a ballerina (who insisted on wearing her Ariel crown!)

My challenge was completed a couple of weeks ago and it seems the new challenge is to just write something on the blog! Let me confess something, though. I've been struggling again. It's hard to know what is normal procrastination or laziness and what is a sympton of actual mental illness.


Last week I read most of a book called A Brilliant Madness Patty Duke and a medical author whose name I don't remember. It's mostly about bipolar disorder or manic depression, but there is a lot in there about unipolar depression for the sake of contrast. Well, I tell you, every five minutes or so, I was convinced that I was in the early stages of developing manic depression. The fact of the matter is that bipolar disorder typically has an onset in ones teens or twenties...not mid thirties. Do you do that? think whatever you read is your diagnosis? It's like last summer when I was looking for a reason for my back/neck/shoulder/hip pain. Heck, based on my summer reading and internet surfing, I had escalated all the way up to fibromyalgia and then, suddenly, all the symptoms diminished greatly at the same time. In hindsight, my muscles were so knotted up from tension and stress that my spine couldn't stay aligned despite weekly chiropractic adjustments and therapy. And that hurts everywhere.


Still, I'm feeling kind of sedated (which is my clinical way of saying "different than tired.") I'm also fighting desires to do nothing. My motivation dips really low and I seem sucked over to the computer to read otherwise harmless bulletin boards or to my crafting table to create something no one needs. I'm just passing time and avoiding more productive pursuits. This sounds benign, I'll bet you're thinking. And I know it can be. But when this happens day after day, something is up with me. So, I sit outside myself a little and watch...wondering if this prescription is going to be the miracle and I'll snap out of it or if I'll keep sinking in this swampy landscape until...


Until what? Until when?
If you know, would you please tell ME?

(By the way, I was at the doctor this week...he increased my dosage of my Rx. Of course, he was very calm about it, so I'm trying to be, too.)

That's it! All 52!

Well, I finished. Honestly, the Deck of Discovery adventure went by quickly. Granted, after the first couple of weeks, my artwork took on a different pace. (I usually completed five or six at a time, several days after the prompt was given.) I'd do the whole thing again in a minute. It was great food for thought. I need a lot more of that in my life (and then enough quiet to achieve "thought.")


So...not sure what the rest of this blog will contain...hopefully some scrapbooking artwork and maybe the fruit of future meditation (if I can learn how to do that!)

{Bliss} and {Closer}

"Bliss"

What's that?

"Closer"

My jeans tell me that I am closer. Closer to my goal. My goal used to be a weight...a number. Now it is that certain pair of jeans that I really like and just want to be able to wear comfortably. I don't even know their number, to tell you the truth.

One of the frustrating things about aging that I am experiencing right now is this weight business. I've never been svelte. "Curvy" is the nice word my husband uses. In the last six months, I have fairly suddenly put on 10 pounds with no great change in my eating or non-excercising habits. My girlfriend and I were commiserating about weight and she described how she had recently learned that one of the best ways to get at your inner layer of belly fat might simply be to quit eating after 7 pm and let your own body go after it's fat reserves. So we made a pact to try it together. No one is expecting quick results...this is a three-month effort to drop ten pounds or so.

Inspire, love, past, recognition, thankful

"Inspire"

God breathes it out and I breathe it in. All I have to do to be creative in the way God designed me is to simply inhale.

The physical therapist I saw a few months ago was teaching me some stretches and emphasizing breathing properly. She said that Americans can't breathe because we're all so concerned about sucking in our gut. To get your lungs full, you have to pull your diaphragm way down and inflate your belly. And then let it out. It sounds so very easy. But to let God all the way in, to get as full of him as I possibly can, I have to not care what I look like on the outside. Sucking in my physical gut is a hindrance to my spiritual health.







"Love"

Portions of this card were originally going to be on the card I gave my brother and his new wife (my new sister!) They got married on October 6th. What a wonderful couple! She makes him better. He makes her happy.





"Past"

There is a page of a Mary Englebreit calendar that I keep in my medicine cabinet to bee seen at the start of each day. It has a girl swinging her suitcase behind her. As she goes, it's contents are dropping all over the road. A signpost stands behind her at the crossroads. The forward-pointing arrow says, "YOUR LIFE." The backward-pointing arrow says, "NO LONGER AN OPTION."

"Recognition"

What mother gets a lot of recognition for what she does? I don't mean the obligatory Mother's Day kind of recognition. I mean the kind that actually affirms something you do well. Maybe even something marketable if you were in the market. Recently someone told me, "You are a really good writer." Hey, that made me feel great! I love to write. It helped me do well in college. I have journals full of poems I used to write back when I felt tortured. I thought for a while I might write children's books.


Most days, now, though, I'd just be grateful for...
"Thanks, Mom. You sure do get the peanut butter on all the way up to the crust and, gosh, it's great to have clean underwear to wear today. "






"Thankful"

This word prompt was posted for October 7th, I think...it was Canadian Thanksgiving. For a lot of people that would have been interesting trivia, but for me it was nostalgic. I grew up on the Canadian border in Minnesota. Many of my great aunts and uncles and my great grandmother still lived in Canada while I was growing up. We had the privilege for many years to celebrate Canadian Thanksgiving at my Aunt Julie's home in Fort Frances, Ontario. She was only in her fifties when she died and I miss her. I remember a lot of laughter and a lot of really good cooking! Our family has preserved one particular tradition from Julie...peanut butter clusters. They are these yummy treats that we make at Christmastime...chocolate and butterscotch chips melted together with peanut butter and cocktail peanuts. Not only are they addictively scrumptious, they remind us to be thankful for our heritage. (Our Canadian heritage!)

blah, count, full, eye

"Count"

Go ahead, count 'em...
one little embellishment or dot for each year of my life so far.
(Jeesh...I'm not gonna tell you...you actually have to count them if you are that nosey!)







"Blah"
That was the whole of last week...weatherwise, especially.
And gray, dismal, rainy..."blah" days
are very challenging when you have a depressive tendency.
Where do you buy those "happy lights" I hear people talk about?





"Eye"

I got nothin' here.
But isn't the card cool-looking?













"Full"

The days in my plain old ordinary life are WAY TOO FULL. About a week ago, I looked at my chicken-scrawled calendar and thought, "I need to do something about this." So, I drew this puffy cloud around one day a week for the next six weeks and then crossed it out. As an afterthought I also added a big smiley face because all those x's looked a little ominous. That's it. I'm benched. No commitments. No "yes's." Just days to be me, to slow down, to breathe and...hopefully...to smile.


By the way, I'm reading Elizabeth Gilbert's book, Eat Pray Love. It is very Eastern in its spiritual bent, but I have to say that it is giving me a bug to be quiet and sit still once in a while. Last night before bed, I sat and read my Bible. (Whoa!) And then I prayed. Now, here's the kicker...it was the kind of prayer where you don't ask for anything. Part of the time I just breathed, "Jesus", over and over again. There is power in the Name... Then I sang/repeated/meditated on Micah 6:8 in the form of the song I sang as a child. He has shown thee, O Man, what is good and what the Lord requires of thee. But to do justly. And to love mercy. And to walk humbly with thy God. I'm still waiting to be miraculously transformed by these mere minutes of devotion... (Well, at least it is a start.)

{Secure}

Katie, our oldest daughter, primped and preened for her Uncle's wedding. I had the honor of fixing her hair. Usually she fights me hard with every stroke of a hairbrush, but she did not this day. She sat very still while I curled each little lock and secured it with a blond bobby pin. We curled it at home and held off on arranging until we got to the church since it was humid and hot (in October!) When we let down her curls, she was an absolute princess and made a picture-perfect flower girl.

But this is about more than hair (but you knew that!)

Every wedding makes you reflect on your own...or more so, on your own marriage. And for me, the biggest emotional benefit of marriage is SECURITY. (My husband cringes...wishing I would say something about our still-smoldering love-affair.) Really, though. Marriage to my very Mr. Right has given me a sense of physical and emotional security. This is what being loved feels like to me...I can fall apart completely and he is still there. I can look ugly and he is still there. I want to get past this fight because he is still there. I am secure because he will always be there.

#40 {Ponder}

"Ponder"

It is very challenging at this stage in my life to meditate on God's word. I know that I am supposed to "bind it to my forehead." I know it is supposed to be at the forefront of my thoughts and conversations, especially with my children. Still, my thoughts are more like a butterfly that flits in and out of focus...and then usually flies away for good! And conversations...well, when was the last one of those? Last Sunday as we were headed off to church, we learned the kids' memory verses. Literally, in the car. Was this what Moses meant when he said, "while you walk on your way?"

See Deuteronomy 6 if all these references are completly lost on you!

#39 {Strive}

"Strive"

A lot of my food for thought lately has come from a sermon I heard a couple of weeks ago about pride vs. humility. Wow! Was that convicting! The verse from Philippians 2 about "considering others better than yourself" was read. (That was the reading we chose for our wedding ceremony almost eight years ago.) The preacher's point was that all of the commands in the Bible are very hard to comply with if you don't approach life with humility.

So, I started this little exercise. At night as I sort through my day or plan the one ahead, I ask myself..."What would it look like if I had considered/do consider others better than myself in 'x' situation?" For instance...some family was coming to celebrate our son's birthday last weekend. I get very stressed when company comes and often get very crabby as the result of all the preparations. Going through the exercise, I realized that my stress is mostly about pride in this case...what will they think of my housekeeping/cooking/parenting, etc.? If I consider them better...I should just love them to pieces, appreciate that they made the trip, put out the candy dishes, and so on. I need the visual in my head as a guide for my own behavior. (I'd like to say that it made me a totally loving hostess, but it really just helped me make a little progress in the right direction.)

All that to say, that I really am striving to be this person God intends for me to be. Humble. Kind. And it begins, really, with Christ. But also with me...considering another better than myself.

#38 {Center}

#36 {Driven}

#35 {Bubbly}

"Bubbly"

I hate this card.

It's ugly.

(But true.)

#34 {Plain}

"Plain"

What a relief to be satisfied with "plain" in my life.

I saw this mom dropping off at preschool this morning. Her hair was coiffed! Her denim suit was adorable...and cream- colored! Her shoes were high-heeled and pointy-toed (and leopard-print!) She was gorgeous! How stressful it must be to get that pretty and then have to stay that way while you get your pre-schooler settled in.

"Plain" has definite advantages.

{Lucky}

"Lucky"

"Seven" is lucky.

I'm "Six."

{Time}

"Time"

There's a song by Chris Rice that says,

Time is our currency

Nobody's rich and nobody's poor

We each get 24 hours a day

And still I say, "I just wish I had more time."

I feel time-poor.

{Content}

#37 {Moment}

(Goodness, gracious I'm behind on my cards! I think I can, I think I can ...catch up someday!)

MOMENT...

She's two, now. Could you possibly have guessed? My husband removed her bodily from McDonald's when the birthday party was over. She fought her way to the van. She fought her way into the carseat. She fought her way home and into the house. Twenty minutes later, she was still going strong. That's when I got out the camera.

I adore pictures of kids throwing fits!

{Fragile} and {Succeed}

"Fragile" has been my state over the past few weeks. It weirds me out a little because I like to be tough. I'm not usually a little bird with a curly tail...I'm more like a big black crow or a mouthy macaw on most days. Depression is a strange thing. There are now these two "mes." Me #1 (with depression and no medication) and Me #2 (with depression plus medication.) And you would think that Me #1 would be the "Real Me." But it isn't who I am in my heart and in my own mind...I'm not full of rage, I'm not weepy, I'm not unmotivated, I'm not antisocial. So it turns out that the "Real Me" is #2. I'm finding it hard to swallow, but Doc said to me this week, "I think that medication for you needs to be permanent." Permanent.

You can't read it in the picture, but the green strip of paper says things like this:

I am happy in this world

I am strong when life is hard

I am beautiful just the way I am

I am loving to my friends

I am valuable in this world

I am fun everyday

I am loving to my friends and family

This is the definition of "success" that I pray my three children will develop for themselves. I want them to read this list and go, "Yep, check! ...Yep, check! Check! Check! Check!"

(Maybe it they do, I will, too!)

{color}

One last card for tonight!

My love affair with color was cemented during a college class at St. Olaf. Although I was a Spanish major, the college's core requirements got me out of my comfort zone once in a while. One new zone was "Color Design" with Wendell Arneson. I absolutely adored that class...never have I loved doing homework more!

It's funny that I make a mismatched card to celebrate love for color =)

{Rose Garden}

In the 70's, when I was plunking a lot of my dad's quarters into jukeboxes, country singer Lynn Anderson sang the song, "I Beg Your Pardon (I Never Promised You A Rose Garden.) " Wow, what a lot of wisdom...

...There's gotta be a little rain sometimes, along with the sunshine.

I feel like God reminds me of that fact of life when I read the Bible. Whoever thinks that life in Christ is walking amongst the clouds, singing hymns, playing harps...well, they just haven't gotten very deep into God's word.

In this world, there will be troubles...

I walk through the valley of the shadow of death...

When you fall into various trials...

It's a promise, all right...the "RAIN", rather than the "rose garden."

{Emotion}

Recently, a lot of my energy has gone to "keeping it between the lines." A reference to driving that I can apply to my emotions. All summer long I was taking Zoloft and I gradulaly realized that I was quite sedated...I felt "flat"...kind of stalled alongside the road, I guess. Then, I went off the medication (which is exactly what you are NOT supposed to do on your own.) The sedation wore off, yes, but a "road rage" replaced it. I was constantly driving head-on into something...my kids and husband, mostly. So, now I've bit (bitten?) the bullet and gone back into the psychiatrist and gotten my fifth different prescription. (It's day two on the new Rx, so you will likely get an update or two as I finish out my deck!)

{rush}

In high school, I played the Mad Hatter/White Rabbit in a children's theater production of Alice in Wonderland. I'm often reminded of one of my lines...

"I'm late, I'm late." Then, tapping my imaginary wristwatch, "They told me butter wouldn't make this watch run faster."

Even now, I relate to this line because of the ridiculousness of our chaotic schedule.

Today...I skipped my regular Friday breakfast with girlfriends, got Katie off to school at 8:15, Owen to school at 9:00, dropped off a Close to My Heart order, dropped off an invite to Owen's party, bought grass seed, dropped off two more orders and visited with my friend who does home daycare, dropped off another order and visited my friend at the school where she works, picked up Owen, fed the kids lunch and saw my husband off on a fishing trip, caught up on a few of my Discovery Deck cards, made dinner, leveled a hump in my front yard, picked up Katie's new glasses, shopped at Target, rented a movie, treated the kids to ice cream...

And it isn't yet 7 p.m.

{Flight}

A flight of fancy...

Ahh, if I were to let my "fancy" take flight, I wonder what that would look like? I think I'd start by working on a Master's Degree. And then a Doctorate. In what? Spanish, probably. I haven't the foggiest what I would actually do with these degrees, though. I just want to know things.

Or I could become an apprentice carpenter.

Or I could take up graphic design.

Or I could write children's books.

{Key}

This jumble is a microcosm of my life.

{Fall}

"Fall"

September has long been one of my favorite months of the year. Of course, I've always associated this time of year with the start of school--first, as a student, second as a teacher, and now, as a mother. And, since I live in a climate where the seasons change dramatically, I wait with great anticipation for this particular weather change...when I can put on a sweatshirt and jeans and be 100% comfortable. It isn't just the temperature, though. The sunshine has a special autumn quality.

Over the weekend, I stayed at a friend's cabin in central Minnesota (Thank You , Sandy!) The first signs of autumn were peaking through everywhere and Sunday was ...

an

absolutely

PERFECT

fall

day!

Retreat!

I'm headed out of town for the weekend and I'll be scrapbooking nearly every waking moment. (Yay!!!!) My girlfriends will probably try to distract me as they get all spiritual and go have quiet times or take hikes in the fall woods. Not me, Ladies. It's going to be all about the papers and gadgets and embellishments (and a good healthy dose of Diet Dr. Pepper!)

When I get back, I'll post my next cards: key & flight

Day 19--{music}

"Music"

I've grown up just on the edge of a life of music. What do I mean? My mom was a bar singer from the time I was very young. She came by it naturally since my grandfather was a singer and musician, as well. My own first performance was "Delta Dawn." I think I was five. As the years wore on, I became more self-conscious about singing on stage and not especially more talented. Fast forward to New Years's Eve 1997. I meet a sweet, sexy man...and someone tells me he's in a band. I married that man and, today, he doesn't head up a rock and roll band anymore, but he sings sweet songs of worship to the Lord.

These people and memories and music are my treasures,
our worship is treasure to Jesus...

Days 16-18--{helpless, refresh, spirit}

"Helpless"

It took me so long to sit with this little group of cards because the first one I was supposed to tackle was "helpless." It isn't that I couldn't think of anything...it was that it seemed like that about covered EVERYTHING! Last week was one of the most helpless weeks I've had in a long time.

So, here's my card. This is "me", stuck in the gears of my life, feeling helpless. It feels like circumstances are just grinding me up. The background paper (CM) is a graphic version of tire treads because, this sense of helplessness leaves me feeling like I've been run over.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Refresh"

I'll send you a post-card if I ever get there.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Spirit"

Now, you would think I would come up with something entirely spiritual here. Nope. These are reflections on the emotional side of my spirit (or my recollections thereof...)

You see, I used to wear animal prints. There were a snakeskin-print pair of jeans. A cheetah print blouse. Oh, and my favorite...also cheetah...a neck scarf. At the time I remember feeling like they pretty accurately represented my wild heart. Today I'm thinking, "Where on earth did that go?" I've become so tame. I don't do anything crazy or romantic anymore. I don't even think those things anymore.

For a brief moment last weekend, I remembered how it used to be. But the context for the remembering basically nullifies it all! You see, I was so overwhelmed, irritable, emotional that I ran out on my family. Frantically left the house with nothing but, "I'm not doing o.k., I have to go. I'll be back late." I didn't really have a plan and I ended up at the cheap theater. The only movie starting within the hour was "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End." Well, Disney sure did it up "dark," but I still managed to be completely in love with the protagonists. It made me want to be a pirate (with better bathing facilities, though.) It made me want to win the heart of Jack Sparrow (or Will Turner...he'd be good, too! Heck, Elizabeth Swan was even fantastic.) I lived the adventure vicariously for a couple of hours and it reminded me of how my spirit used to soar now and then.

Now, my spirit drives a mini-van, sleeps in old t-shirts, and doesn't wear make-up. Sigh.

Long Time, No Blog

I have a backlog of cards to create and I am still excited to do so...
However, life takes twists and turns.


I've been struggling with compulsions in the last several months. It seems to be a part of my depression and anxiety package. There might just be a little "manic" in there. Coming up on two weeks ago, I realized I was doing some things to the detriment of my overall health...one of them was spending inordinate amounts of time on my computer--blogging, reading bulletin boards, surfing the net. Others...scrapbooking, eating, spending money...

So, if there's nothing new to read here, it's probably a good thing for now.

Day 15-Jack of Diamonds {Quote}

"Quote"

The other day my son said...and I quote...

"I wish I had a different mommy that didn't yell so much."

(I answered, "Yeah, I wish you had that mommy, too.")

A while back, I mentioned that I wanted to be off my meds. Well, I ditched them and now, three weeks later...I'm a raving lunatic. O.K. it's mostly during what I call "the evil hours"--4-6 pm. Yesterday, I called my hubby at work and said, "Please come home early...and plan on taking the kids out to dinner...without me." How do you explain to your children that you love them in spite of your mental health failings? I mean, "seratonin" is completely without significance to my 6 year-old. Stark-raving mad will probably be very meaningful to them, though.

It's hard to see, but that is the CTMH Fairy Wishes fairy under the vellum.

Day 14- {Awe}

"Awe"

It's the holiday weekend and we are actually at home. Mark had the idea to take the family to the Minneapolis Sculpture Garden. How can I explain that I thought both that it was a good idea and that kids might hate it? What a pleasant surprise in store for me! They loved it. The weather was gorgeous and the spaces wide open. They ran and circled and climbed and looked...really looked. Wow! My kids like art! Here they are, checking out "Prophecy of the Ancients" by Brower Hatcher, 1988. This is the new picture in my mind's dictionary next to "awe."

Day 13--{Belief}

"Belief"

The card says it all...

Products Used: Adobe Photoshop, Digital Papers included with Digi-Scrappin' 101

Day 12--{Sincere}

"Sincere"

I'm more prone to recognize my personal failings than I am to highlight my strengths. Sincerity, though, is something I don't feel like I have to work at. It comes naturally to me. That makes it a strength. These are my others.

Products Used: Adobe Photoshop, Jessica Sprague's Echoes of Asia Kit, SU Quick (font)

Day 11--{Thrill}

"Thrill"

My husband has become a more fantastic partner with each passing year of our relationship. Honestly, I see so much personal growth in him that it inspires me to keep trying to be better. That's the best part, the substance of our relationship, the "cake", so to speak. However, there is icing on top of that... Do you see these eyes?????

Products Used: Adobe Photoshop, scanned piece of patterned paper (Bohemia), SU font Carefree

I'm a little beside myself with excitement over my first ever digital scrapbooking. Wow is there a lot to learn, but I'm really pleased with this little project. I've been just waiting for a chance to use this extreme close-up picture! Plus, I love what I was able to do with a scanned piece of paper.